There’s more crimes happening all around me than I can count on two hands. The crackheads are out doin stuff, there’s drunk people driving all over with no headlights, and 4 guys with ill intent followed me until I lost them in an alley. All these things were happening so fast, I began to wonder if this would be one of those weird 3am bike rides. Just then, I felt the swoooosh of the wind as a Lexus narrowly missed me. It came flying up the Clark St ramp heading South over Roosevelt Rd, blowing the red light and traveling insanely fast. “Fucking asshole,” I thought to myself as I heard a massive crash. The Lexus had wrecked a few seconds after almost killing me. With the hope that I may get to beat this person upside the head as they are injured in their vehicle, I turned off Roosevelt and headed down Clark about 25 yards to the place where moron hit the curb. Two idiots jumped out and ran south. Based on the 2 childrens safety seats in the back of the car, I’m guessing it was stolen. I was taking selfies as the cops rolled up asking me what the people looked like.
After a brush with death, my original plans changed and I rode to the lake. With frazzled nerves I sat, listening to the waves crash as I contemplated my existence. My mind wandered as I noticed the silhouettes of three seagulls circling above me. Did Jesus really ride a Brontosaurus? I wondered how he would tame it and what the saddle would look like. Either way, I’M ALIVE! Praise Jesus and his trusty Brontosaurus!
Finally I arrived at an undisclosed location to seal the grout on a ceramic tile floor I put down the night before. Sure, I work at night and this isn’t glorious work, but it allows me to do things I want to do. (like ride my bike at 3am) Although, I don’t have much to do now except listen to @NachoPicasso talk about titties on Blunt Raps 2